Kids vs. Scantily Clad Women: Which Do New Dads Prefer and Why? – | – Science of Relationships

Hmmm… for some reason I’m not terribly surprised by this finding (I wonder why…).  Indeed, though, it is a fascinating find! The researchers measured blood testosterone levels and did fMRI scans of the brains of their participants (all men).  They also measured the substance – oxytocin.  Everyone knows about dopamine and (possibly to a lesser degree) serotonin.  Well, oxytocin is one of the lesser known neurotransmitters that also masquerades as a hormone in the body.  It is directly involved in the birthing process, lactation, and maternal bonding.  It has been labelled the “bonding hormone” (see e.g., http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin) as it is also implicated in pair-bonding, social recognition, trust, and empathy.  As there has recently been much focus on fatherhood research, oxytocin levels have been shown to rise in dads with babies and young children.  Thus, oxytocin seems to underlie paternal bonding.   It’s a nice read with a very interesting result.

Kids vs. Scantily Clad Women: Which Do New Dads Prefer and Why? – | – Science of Relationships.

From the Mouths of Babes – A Manifesto for Separated Parents.

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Note: This is an excerpt from the following website – Divorce Aid.  It is excellent!

 

My Dream Mum and Dad

1. They would let each other see their children as much and as often as they can.

2. It would be great if Mum and Dad just got along – not even as friends would be ok.

3. They would encourage the children to have a good time with the other parent.

4. They would not swear at their children.

5. They might punish their children a bit if they are naughty and that’s OK. But they wouldn’t hit us.

6. They will appreciate and love their children by telling them so when they come up and stay or call up and talk.

7. They would try to create a home where the children would look forward to coming back and want to call them up.

8. They would talk about parent things with each other and not talk to the children about parent things.

9. They would swap or share birthdays and Christmases in a helpful way without getting angry with each other.

10. They would keep their promises to us.

11. They would not bad-mouth each other.

12. When they get angry with each other it messes up their love for us. Hating each other makes it harder for the children.

13. They would both talk to all our teachers – maybe not together though.

14. They would be really busy loving their children, not fighting over them. They would know that there was enough of their children to love and go around for everyone.

15. They would each sit down with their children from time to time and ask them “How is it going?” and “How could it be better?”

16. Parents should have to go for a tune-up from time to time for being separated parents. How else do they know how they are doing?

We were sent this piece but were not given any details of the author but would be pleased to publish details if informed.

P.S. Could be this: Taken from Narrative Mediation: A new approach to dispute resolution, J. Winslade and G. Monk (2002)

“The talk of the child in the market place is either that of his father or of his mother.”

Babylonian Talmud Sukkah 56b

 

The pain of non-custodial fatherhood

sad-man-and-rainThis is a story about a father who saves his daughter in a rowing accident (overturned boats) when she is young.  She is now 15 and he is in the hospital with her, at her bedside, because she has overdosed, on something.  This is a nice article detailing what it is like for another father who is on the sidelines in the life of his child (children).  It is a moving piece.  It was written by the Rev. David B. Smith and published on the Children’s Rights Initiative for Shared Parenting (CRISP).  The pain of non-custodial fatherhood.

Woody Allen and His Truth

09ALLEN-master675There is a lot that one can learn about relationships and their breakdown by reading this opinion penned by Woody Allen.  It is too bad that two adults who are also parents cannot learn to lay down their swords in the best interests of their children.  Sadly, this seems to be the norm rather than the exception.  Regardless, it sounds like this conflict has been taken to the extreme, involving character attacks that have been vetted in very public places.  I’d say that the New York Times is a very public place.  Good reading which raises many good questions

Woody Allen Speaks Out – NYTimes.com.